In the End(re)

Change. That is the key word of society and civilization. Without change innovation and developement can?t be possible. Neither inside or outside. It was also the keyword for my life as a child. I went to 5 different schools in 3 different places, two different continents during my childhood. When I just started to make a group of friends I had to move and this happened until 2001, when we moved back to Budapest, Hungary. There I stayed for 9 years, too long of a period for a journeyman like me. I needed change, I craved for it. I was never born to stay in Hungary. So I decided to jump into a new challenge, embark on a new journey. This time though it was different. In the period I spent in my country I developed a bad habit of not finishing l, not following through with my goals, one of them being to learn polish, which I started and stopped at university. So that?s what I decided to finish, but since school was not the best place to study, I thought I would try to live in Poland. And that is when I met EVS, and applied to go to it. So it happened that I did not get accepted to that project. I would have helped blind children in Laski, but I guess I was not considered good enough.

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One year later an other opportunity came up. My sending organization showed me a few planned projects in Poland, and one of them caught my eye. I had a chance to work with children in Krakow and I took it since I wanted to work with them after the year is done. This time luckily I did get chosen, which made me very excited. Like with everything I do in life, my excitement as turned into motivation and drove me to create half-baked plans and fantasies on how I will change the childrens’ lives with my fantastic programs and activities. I wrote up many activities in my head an on paper what I can do with the kids. I also wrote up what I wanted to change in myself.

Back in Hungary, I was not out-going, I was a gray shadow of myself. The problem was, I had an urge a craving to be THE MAN, to be that person everyone turns to when they need help. But the proper tools, the skills I needed were not in my possession, and my ‘understandable’ speech was not helping either. Anyway I decided to dedicate the ten months for this. Well my motivated self did at least, in the outcome was not so good. Even though I got a lot of opportunities to get help, in the end, subconsciously and consciously I chose the easy path and a slow mellow death to the motivated me in the lukewarm pool of comfort, familiarity and nothingness. As it happened, I chose to jump back into the Jacuzzi where I stayed too long already and was uncomfortable, than follow the uncomfortable path to a deeper, more fulfilling ocean, the vast collection of skills.

I am grateful for life for giving me the help that I would have needed to get to the ocean. My project was great, and the people I was with even better. In my flat, I lived with 3 other volunteers at least, two of which I could have used to help me in my goals much more. With a brief detour I would like to mention that all the volunteers were great, had an impact on me and I will cherish them, but these two had some skills I lack so much. First my colleague, a goal driven, ambitious young girl from Ukraine who loved to share her thoughts. Her attitude should have rubbed off on me. The second a great leader, creative, demanding and unique roommate of mine, a person named Mouslim. They were the ones I could have taken a lot from, but I threw them away in my mood of mediocrity and nihil. The others are a colorful bunch, have many great traits and I had great times with them.

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My project was also one of the best. In there I practically could have done anything I wanted to. My ?boss? was ambitious, thoughtful, creative and her colleagues as well. They would help in any way they could. The possibilities were endless. They made many diverse and unique events and competitions for the kids. We went to museums, plays, did sports events, thought them about other cultures, anything you name, we did. They pushed me, yet I did not push myself hard enough and backed up sometimes at a challenge. To everyone witnessing my free-fall into the nihil, sorry, to those who are reading this post before, or during your EVS: don’t be like me. Use your time wisely and creatively, initiate and live your dream (or just create it first if you do not know what it is).